It's getting harder and harder to parody natural childbirth and homebirth advocates because there is virtually nothing I can write that is more absurd than how they actually behave. No sooner did I finish yesterday's satire on the Sanctimommy Olympics, joking that a gold medal performance in birth does not require the baby to survive, then someone sent me a link to this thread on Baby Center, posted on 8/3/12:
So I had a successful VBAC 6 weeks ago, yay!In response, I've promulgated this handy rule of thumb:
but... my baby went into distress during pushing, and when she was born she had several issues, meconium, trouble breathing, high acid levels, and had to stay in the NICU for 3.5 weeks. She was diagnosed with HIE, so she had a severe lack of oxygen at some point, and an MRI showed brain damage.
So what I'm posting for is to ask if anyone else has has the experience of a sucessful VBAC, but an unhealthy baby, and how to I deal with the conflicting emotions about that??
On the one hand, I'm so happy I was able to experience a drug free labor and push my baby out (with some necessary assistance at the end, but still), that was something I wanted so badly, and I'm proud I was able to handle drug free labor so well.
And on the other hand, my baby couldn't handle a vaginal birth for some unknown reason and she will probably have to deal with the effects of that for the rest of her life. So I feel like I really shouldn't be so proud of that VBAC, like I should have just had a RCS instead.
help? :(
It is not a success, and you are not entitled to be proud, if the birth results in a dead or brain-damaged baby.
You know why? Because your birth experience is WORSE THAN MEANINGLESS compared to the health of your baby's brain or body! No doubt the natural childbirth and homebirth narcissists will be shocked to learn that there is anything that matters more than their personal experiences, but that's our typical response to behaviors that maim or kill others.
You may love the experience of drag racing and winning, but if the other driver is killed in the process, you have no right to be proud. You might love the experience of giving your unsecured toddler a ride on your motorcycle, but that doesn't make up for the fact that he died when thrown from the bike. You may hate visiting a hospital, but that won't excuse you from failing to bring in your deathly ill child.
Lest you think VBAC complications are vanishingly rare, consider that two other women reported uterine ruptures on the same thread:
I am SO sorry you had to go through this. I also had a complete uterine rupture back in March. My story sounds so much like yours. I'm here if you ever need to talk, because I know how hard it is to deal with. Also like pp stated, I have a few uterine rupture support groups you can join when you feel ready. I'm praying that your baby makes a wonderful recovery <3And:
I'm another rupture mom. We lost our baby in August last year. This is a tough and confusing time and I'm praying for you and you little one. We do have mamas in the rupture support groups mentioned by previous posters who have experience with cooling caps. When you're ready, get in touch an we can put you on touch. Lots of hugs. Life is so very unfair.Moreover two additional women on the same message board posted about catastrophic VBAC outcomes within the next 48 hours.
On 8/4/12, a second mother reported:
I went into labor on Wednesday morning at 3:30 am. I labored for 16 hours without an epidural. My water was ruptured when I was 8.5 centimeters dialated and 100% effaced. Two hours later I was 10 and began too push. Immediately, I began to have excruciating breakthrough pain which I now know was me rupturing. I pushed through three contractions before my son had a complete heart decel.And on 8/5/12, a third mother reported:
I was rushed in for emergency csection. I had to be given general anesthesia. When I woke up post op I was told my son was essentially brain dead and we should let him die peacefully. Within two hours of being born he began to show brain activity. He began breathing on his own, sucking, his gag reflex was intact. Based on these new developments he became eligible for a treatment known as cold cap that is for newborns with brain injuries. His treatment concludes early next and once it does we will have a better idea of his prognosis.
Mu providers are devastated. They supported a VBAC from the beginning. According to the Doxtors my VBAC was picture perfect until I began to push. In every phase of labor they were aware of my desires and supported them until it became clear there was a problem. I can't believe I am in the .5%-1.25% that ruptures.
Was hoping to vbac but after going into labor, water breaking, etc baby boy's heartrate dropped to a scary level enough times that were rushed into the operating room. Baby had the cord wrapped around his neck 3 times and lost oxygen for a period of time.This mother, at least, recognizes that her baby's health is more important than her experience:
6-7 hours after birth he had a seizure and was transported to a higher level nicu for treatment. He had xool cap therapy to prevent any further damage to his brain and has recovered beautifully. He might have a learning disability in the future due to some damage found on an mri but will not be able to know until he is in school.
This is day 8 in the nicu and all he has to do is nurse consistently and we can go home! Hoping that will be in 2-3 days.
I am not upset I didnt get my vbac but glad baby is doing well. If we end up with another (this was baby #3) I might just go for a rcs.Attempting a VBAC is a reasonable option in a hospital that is appropriately staffed, IF and ONLY IF a mother understands that death and brain damage will inevitably occur in some babies even if you are low risk, even if your doctor is standing right there, and even if you have immediate surgery.
And keep my handy rule of thumb in mind:
It is not a success, and you are not entitled to be proud, if the VBAC results in a dead or brain-damaged baby.
You are being disrespectful to women who attempt VBAC, you think we don't care about our babies? Guess what! Brain damage can occur with any birth, with a RCS. You also reprinted these comments from another website without getting the permission of the poster, which is really really insensitive and downright tacky.
ReplyDeleteDisrespectful? Do people who damage their children and still can't decide if it is a bad situation deserve respect?
DeletePeople who damage their children? That has to be the most ignorant thing I've seen in awhile. I sure hope you never have to deal with the death or injury of a baby during birth, but if you ever do I sure hope you eat the crap out of your words.
DeleteI'm one of the woman you quoted. Seriously? Going on a VBAC support group to find tragic stories to use for your own good. That's just sick. Your quotes are not even correct. This is VERY disrespectful and there are a lot of women who feel the same.
ReplyDeleteI have far less respect for you than before, ma'am. How despicable of you, using women's stories without their consent, STOLEN from a VBAC support group. There are risks inherent with EVERY pregnancy and birth, and in most cases, RCS is NOT a healthier or safer option than VBAC, according to ACOG. But, I suppose you, as a "doctor" who hasn't actually practiced in years, don't even bother to keep up with evidence based studies - you simply hate any one and anything that doesn't fall under your dusty scalpel?
ReplyDeleteYou are a despicable human being to use these pore women's thoughts without permission..
ReplyDeleteThe NIH and ACOG both support VBAC as a safe option to a repeat c-section, I trust them over someone who would stoop this low and hasn't practiced in years.
Once the comments are posted in a public forum, they can certainly be quoted, with proper attribution given.
ReplyDeleteSo...YAY for her VBAC I suppose. Kind of sad that's the first thing she thinks of, not her horribly damaged daughter. That's an afterthought of the perfect drug free experience.
The group where she lifted these comments from is supposed to be a safe place where women can support one another, not open season for some blogger to come in and repost quotes and personal stories just to fit their own twisted agenda . The fact that this blog seems to think the remedy for a woman who just went through something as harrowing as Losing a baby or having a baby born damaged in any way is to further shame and insult the mother is frankly obscene and disgusting. Where is your sense of decency?
ReplyDeleteyou are disgusting
ReplyDeleteA RCS is not a guarantee of a healthy baby. A VBAC is not a guarantee of a damaged baby. The body of medical evidence available (and thus, professional organizations of OB/GYNS around the world) suggests that VBAC is a safe and reasonable option. These women were tying to do what was best for themselves, their babies, and their families. Shame on you for taking their words from them without their knowledge or consent and holding them up for ridicule when they were trying to find some peace and understanding for a bad outcome in what they thought was a safe environment.
ReplyDeleteAre you mentally ill? I mean, I can't figure out any other reason why you would make fun of other peoples tragedies like this. The very sad situations that the women you quoted found themselves in could happen to anyone. Brain damage in childbirth is not limited to women attempting to VBAC. Conflicting emotions in women who experience triumph and tragedy at the same time is completely NORMAL. You should be ashamed of yourself, but I doubt that is even an emotion that you are capable of feeling.
ReplyDeleteI think I have just witnessed one of the most dense and disgusting people I have ever had the displeasure of coming across.
ReplyDeleteYour an ex-doctor? So why is it that you need to take what mothers who have lost babies or women who have had less than stellar outcomes for their babies have said to prove your point? If your so right in your mind would you really need those quotes to back what you believe? Are you THAT dense to think you know all and everything you think and feel is right? Please your a human being too who makes mistakes just like the rest of us.
Those women made a choice based on what THEY thought was the best according to them and Im sure their doctors/midwives. Things happen, even to the best of us who have a lot of knowledge in childbirth. Im sure as a doctor you had less than stellar outcomes with some of your patients. So please do us all a favor and stop acting like your the best damn doctor out there because your not. Not even close. A good doctor would never exploit mothers like that.
Hey Leah... learn proper grammar; it's "you're the best damn doctor" ... not "your."
DeleteAlso. Very few women who home birth do it with their doctor's support. Homebirth in the US is dangerous and an uncertified mifwife is NOT a substitute for an obstetrician. Many women would not choose homebirth if they knew just how risky it is.
Homebirth in the US is dangerous? No more dangerous than giving birth in a Hospital
DeleteLeah may not know how to use proper grammar, but Kim-Marie does not know how to use research skills. How sad for you that you feel the need to belittle a person's grammar to make you feel better about your false point.
DeleteHomebirth is no more dangerous than hospital birth in a healthy pregnancy. Learn the facts then post your comment. I don't want to be offended as well as read imbecilic trash.
Lmao. Really, what are you my english teacher? Since we are being immature then you should know that "Also." isnt a complete sentence. There is no clear noun. Not to mention all the dots you used. For someone who is so observant of other people's grammar you should really focus on your poor punction/grammar. :)
DeleteAlso thank you for stating the obvious that a midwife is not a replacement of an OB. Of course it isnt! Midwives are much better and do not try to intervene too much when not needed.
If OBs are the way to go, then please explain to me why babies wind up in the NICU because an overly eager mother and OB decided the baby needed to come out. I am not an ignorant person that is going to say that home birth is safe for everyone because it isnt and neither is the hospital for everyone. Both choices have had consequences and there are just simply some complications that arise that nothing can be done, no matter your location.
If you dont want to birth at home, fine but who the hell do you think you are to judge others and their decisions. Your not a fucking God so please do us all a favor and stop pretending your ideas are right and others are wrong.
Thank you for posting this, Amy! No woman ever goes into a VBAC wanting anything but a healthy baby; i do find it sad and wholly misprioritized when a woman thinks a VBAC with a brain-damaged baby is a successful birth. It's not, ladies.
ReplyDeleteAlso... when you homebirth/VBAC moms post your stories on the internet... unless it is to a closed or private group, you have NO place to whine about other people discussing your words. The internet is a public forum, not a safe and cuddly place. And yes, some of us other women will judge you very harshly indeed for putting YOUR selfish birth experience before the life and health of your baby.
I am so glad Dr. Tuteur called you out on that selfishness.
Seriously? It's people like you and "Dr" Tutuer that make this world a sad place. Just b/c someone decides to share their personal story does not mean that you have free reign to judge them. Disagree with their choice (however unfounded your opinion is)? sure, but to belittle them, call them names, and insinuate that all they care about is their experience, is disgusting.
DeleteThere is no point in arguing with the uneducated. Kate, we all know that what we want is a healthy baby and that no matter how we birth, we take a huge risk for ourselves and our children. The fact that these quotes are being taken out of context and the pain a mother is feeling is being used to justify someone's hate toward what is natural is disgusting. I'm certain that if this woman's doctors thought something would go wrong, they would have pushed for a c-section. Nobody knew and no one is at fault. The fact that this sorry excuse for a doctor and a human being thinks it is okay to over-step her lines and treat other women terribly because she is so damaged from her false sense of superiority is both sad and inexcusable.
DeleteDr. Tutuer, you of all people should know better than to cite personal stories as the foundation of the decision-making process. ACOG has stated that a trial of labor is "safe and appropriate" for many women-- why is your opinion on the matter superior to that of an entire board of educated and informed physicians? I have a good friend who has had drunk drivers plow through the cinder-block wall around her backyard and into her living room not once but twice. That does not mean that I will advise my other friends that living rooms are dangerous death-traps. To use the words of a woman experiencing personal hardship as inspiration for a blog entry may very well be perfectly legal, but it is also tactless and cruel to say the least. To those reading these comments, here are some quotes from the group that Dr. Tutuer did not choose to share with you:
ReplyDelete"YDD (youngest dear daughter) was born 4/11 weighing 7lb 15oz and 19 3/4" long. She is so perfect.
I wasn't able to go med free, but I did get my vbac and am so thrilled. My doula was awesome. Recovery has been great. I love that I manage the pain with plain ol advil. I'm not constipated, I can hold my kids, its just wonderful!"
"Well friends, I got my VBAC. I got it exactly the way I wanted it and, let me tell you, it was a beautiful thing. I'd advise anyone to go for it."
"I was so ecstatic to have had my VBAC! The whole process was amazing. The nurses were saying how much fun it was to be in my delivery room because I was relaxed during the whole process, joking around, and really made the whole process as fun as I could. I don't regret anything...M was born June 28th, 2010 at 7:41pm weighing 7lbs 13oz and 18.5 inches long."
"It was awesome and painful all at the same time but I wouldn't change it for anything! I love looking at him and knowing I did this. On my own. Without anyone else doing it for me. I pushed and I birthed him!! Nobody took him out of me this time!"
And some c-section stories:
"I wish I would have known that I wouldn't be able to change my son's diaper or pick him up by myself for the first 24 hours. I couldn't get out if bed for 10th hours and the first few times hurt terribly."
"I was in severe pain for at least 10 days - I couldn't get out of bed witout my husband helping, could barely walk for several days...The day I was released (4 days after her birth) was so painful that I cried and cried, I couldn't handle the pain of sitting up so I couldn't really nurse her."
"By the time it was all over they had pumped so many drugs into me that I got all shaky and couldn't hold my baby."
This is why cold hard facts should be the basis of your decision-- NOT personal stories. Anybody can spin any issue to their liking if they only use heavily-edited forum posts. See above.
Posting under my partner's account... obviously.
Delete